Substa-tux

I failed to mention in my last post that Rob Belote also received an award for Tactical Knife and Long Rifle Instructor of the Year at the WHFSC conference we just got back from. Congrats, Rob. I'm fired up about getting CSSD knife classes cranked up at Mokuren Dojo.

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As for the wardrobe malfunction story - The awards dinner was a swanky, black tie event so I rented a tux. When I went to pick it up the day before we were to leave for San Antonio, the woman smiled and said confidently, "It will be here tomorrow," to which I responded, "I'll be out of town tomorrow at the event that I rented this tux for." So, they cobbled together a substa-tux for me to wear.

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My tux ended up being this nearly-psychodelic vest over some crazy ruffles on the shirt and cheezy piping down the sides of the pants. The only thing keeping this tux from looking like it was straight from the 1970's was the fact that it was not actually powder blue. It had the little adjustable zippers on the hips so that it is supposed to fit almost everyone but the left hip zip was broken, so the pants kept sliding down off my butt so I looked like a gangsta. As I walked I had to swagger to keep the pants up, and as I strode across the stage I opted for the hand-in-the-pocket-like I'm playing-wit'-my-jewels walk. To top it off - no cufflinks.

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My wife was out shopping until about an hour into the event, so she was not there to help me dress. As soon as she walked in, all shiney and sophisticated looking, she said, "What the hell is wrong with that tux?" All through the dinner she would lean over and try to tuck or adjust the vest and straps, but after a few drinks we really didn't care anymore.

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So, thanks, bad tux shop, for a really uncomfortable awards dinner.